Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
