i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
