We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
