the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
People in love make me want to vomit
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
