Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He better not be in your backpack
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
