that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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