i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
