if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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