The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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