So drunk, too bad you don't want this
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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