Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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