The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
