A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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