Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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