So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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