dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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