this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you traded sex for a burrito?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
