his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
