My first STD was from a foam party
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
