i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
