There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
