I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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