Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
