covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
