Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
