Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
