Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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