we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
