Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
