Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
