I should be sponsored by Trojan
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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