farters have to be the big spoon...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sarcasm needs its own font
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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