You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
