I think I am morally bankrupt
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
