Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
