This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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