I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
