im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
