can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
