I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
