i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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