So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
