Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
