I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
