You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
