i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
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