he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
