U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
