it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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