He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
