Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
