Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
