Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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