I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
