my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
