someone get that fucking seahorse.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
