Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
