You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mouth tastes like poor choices
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were trust falling into bushes
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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