dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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