Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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