cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
