How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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