yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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