youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
