Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
